Stats Lover Gifts

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

Statistics department with 'You are here (sampling error +/- 4%)'.

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

Social median

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

The Miracle Worker

'Boys, the team statistician will now explain why our record of 23 wins and 59 losses is very, very good.'

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

The Stat family

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

'That's one of my earlier pieces.'

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."