Statistics Aficionado Gifts

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Pi fight!

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'Mathematician's Rap.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"Please, Ms. Sweeney, may I ask where you're going with all this?"

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'Our crime figures are down!'

Bank Robbery Statistics

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

"I hate to be a downer, but, statistically, people are more likely to die of heart disease than by getting

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

Home Schooled On The Range

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

Social median

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"