Statistical Enthusiast Gifts

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

Really Edward - I don't know what you're so uptight about... I mean, statistically, we're much safer in the air than we are on the ground.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Aggression/Security

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

"And this is another economic indicator."

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."