Stat Geek Gifts

"I am 98.3 percent happy to see you all!"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Graph to find your IQ

Man stabbed by fallin arrow on wall chart.

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

'Our crime figures are down!'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"I hate to be a downer, but, statistically, people are more likely to die of heart disease than by getting

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

The Pie Chart of Mystery

"If it weren't for you, we'd have nothing in the cloud."

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

'Suzy, I hate to break the news to you like this, but there's a good reason why your new boyfriend doesn't fit in amongst the townsfolk too well...Yes Suzy. He's a Notorious Outlier.'

The Miracle Worker

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"