Statistics Fan Gifts

Social median

The Armageddon stakes.

"Mr Giles, when I recommended that investment to you, I was reading the wrong chart - a chart concerning home runs in the National League. But it didn't matter - the stock went up anyway."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Employment recruitment aptitude test

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

The Stat family

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."