Startup Guru Gifts

Robot Parts $5

I'll do what everybody does–sell this startup just before we have to hire a female employee.

Larry Page

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

The MBA Draft

"Any questions?"

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Robots In The Boardroom

Career opportunities

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Uh-Oh..."

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

Target your customer.

Geek fairies

The Modern Novel.

A balloon seller is selling thought bubble balloons

"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"When you've been here as long as I have, you'll start to burn out"

Boom

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"I have no toys just yet. I have a concept of a plan for toys...toys like no one has ever seen before."