Starting Medical Residency Gifts

"Well, there's nothing in the rules that says baboons can't perform surgery, so what the hey, let's give him a shot."

Philosophy Class for Proctology Students

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Dancing Doctor

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

Happy Birthday to you.

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Long shift?'

"Gross."

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

"Turn your head and cough."

'Madam, this is not pornography. It is a textbook on obsterics and gynecology...'

The importance of paying attention in med school.

Current location

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

Doctor surrounded by notes.

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

'I would have come to you sooner, but you hadn't graduated from medical school yet.'

"This is a teaching hospital."

Doctor sleeps in a patients bed.

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'