Starting Residency Gifts

"Over here, by the whatchanacalalit...somebody get the anatomy book."

"If you find anything else wrong, just go ahead and fix it."

Doctor sleeps in a patients bed.

"Gross."

The importance of paying attention in med school.

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

Dancing Doctor

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Long shift?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

"Turn your head and cough."

Current location

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

Doctor surrounded by notes.

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

"When we agreed that you would move in, Mr. Goodrich, you didn't mention Rex."

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"Well, there's nothing in the rules that says baboons can't perform surgery, so what the hey, let's give him a shot."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'The position will be a success if you're not suing me.'

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

Gynecology pigeon hole

It's not catching, is it? - The doctor hates to catch things.

"I know you're new to the job, Ms. Jones, but the correct term is 'stat'... not 'move your ass'!"

"You're doing remarkably well considering I'm a 'Quack'."

'I'm not keen on getting any more apps, but I just had to have this one - it takes my unusually neat handwriting and digitally converts it to sloppy doctor writing.'