Starting Residency Gifts

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

"Over here, by the whatchanacalalit...somebody get the anatomy book."

"If you find anything else wrong, just go ahead and fix it."

'Notice how I stare at the forms like I'm actually reading them... and generally moving very slowly so I'm a little further behind schedule as the day progresses.'

Doctor sleeps in a patients bed.

"Gross."

The importance of paying attention in med school.

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

Dancing Doctor

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Long shift?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

"Turn your head and cough."

Current location

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

Weather channel.

Doctor surrounded by notes.

"When we agreed that you would move in, Mr. Goodrich, you didn't mention Rex."

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"Well, there's nothing in the rules that says baboons can't perform surgery, so what the hey, let's give him a shot."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'The position will be a success if you're not suing me.'

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

Philosophy Class for Proctology Students

"Congratulations, Doc, you got a 'thumbs up' on Facebook!"