Starting Dorm Life Gifts

Holly gets off to a rough start with her new roommate.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Student Food Pyramid

So...this is the roommate. Awkward...

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Frat House Feng Shui

The Bachelor Chef TV Show. First, remove last night's pizza from the fridge. Then eat cold for breakfast. Shoot! 29 minutes left to kill.

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

"Spare me the early bird lecture."

'I pushed the popcorn button but there isn't any in there.'

Student rakes leaveslaundry in dorm room.

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"I can't sleep without my weighted blanket... I'm safe under my weighted blanket..."

Please roll over and breathe the other way.

Philosophy Department: You are Here...But why?

'Please tell me you aren't my roommate.'