College Dorm Gifts

"I can't sleep without my weighted blanket... I'm safe under my weighted blanket..."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Oh, this old thing?"

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

Bro of Frankenstein

Student Food Pyramid

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

Frat House Feng Shui

The morning after the night before.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

The Bachelor Chef TV Show. First, remove last night's pizza from the fridge. Then eat cold for breakfast. Shoot! 29 minutes left to kill.

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

'I'm giving you extra marks for the six pack.' - Dr. Jeckyl , the College Years.

"Spare me the early bird lecture."

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'Another hike in college tuition! The costs are already killing my folks!'