College Roommate Gifts

'Speed reading course 7.00 to 7.05.'

Binge Drinking On Campus.

'I pushed the popcorn button but there isn't any in there.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

"All my college books are electronic textbooks, so my backpack weighs less now than it did when I was in elementary school."

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"Spare me the early bird lecture."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

'Finished-after I gave you the best twenty minutes of my life??'

"Bro, no!"

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

"This is my new 'One Answer Fits All Questions' - shirt!"

"Are you sure her voicemail didn't say to 'bring a rose'?"

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Biofelineism

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."