Roommates Gifts

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

'So we've put the bin out ten minutes early, it's not as if the council will know...'

"I'm declawed, but with this headset, I can at least virtually scratch up the furniture."

"Ok, you wash, you dry...."

"Is he in our bubble?"

"Who was the last to use the icemaker? You left it on extra large!"

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

"You call that a made bed?"

"You've got a dinner invitation."

Friends huddling for warmth

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

"Other than obsessive bread-making, compulsive cleaning, British-TV-baking-series bingeing..."

' ... and the person with the most votes to do the washing up is... '

Instead of pretending we're not home, couldn't we just not do video chats?

"I can’t hear the answer you’re screaming from another room to the question I screamed from this room."

"We have to face reality. Unless we invite people over, we will never muster the energy to clean the place."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

Speed Dating for Turtles

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Biofelineism

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"