Standup Vampire Gifts

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

Transylvanian backpackers.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'... And this is my cellar.'

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

A vampire in a canoe.

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

He looks so natural lying there...

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

"Son, you can't get blood from a turnip!"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

Get on with it!

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'I need a sun cream with a very high protection factor.'

I wonder what kind of wizard or vampire my husband will be

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

How to fight a vampire snowman

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"I know. But I think I can change him."

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

Fancy a pint?

Vampire on a plane

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'I don't know who you are stranger, but if you mess with big Gus you'll be in your coffin by dawn!'

Vampire collects bottles of blood from his doorstep.