Vampire Comedy Fan Gifts

"A long time ago a very famous man kissed me against my will..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Zombie standup

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Giraffe Umbrella

Transylvanian backpackers.

Bad fake tan day.

A Fairytale Update

The Rooster Comedian.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Vlad the Impala

'... And this is my cellar.'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

A vampire in a canoe.