Standup Vampire Prints

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

Transylvanian backpackers.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'... And this is my cellar.'

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

A vampire in a canoe.

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

He looks so natural lying there...

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"Son, you can't get blood from a turnip!"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

Get on with it!

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'I need a sun cream with a very high protection factor.'

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

"I know. But I think I can change him."

How to fight a vampire snowman

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

Fancy a pint?

Date Night

Vampire on a plane

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

'I don't know who you are stranger, but if you mess with big Gus you'll be in your coffin by dawn!'

"Take my word for it, sir―it looks just great on you!"