Stand-up Storyteller Gifts

"Tonight I'll be performing a monologue about where I like to shop, my hair color, and something my mother did that upset me."

Bo's Comedy Career Never Quite Got Off the Ground

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

They hated me.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

Edgar Allen Poe

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Bacchus.

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."