Stage Name Creator T-Shirts

"Kanye's changing his name. I'm thinking he should go by Cra Z."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'They all want to play the star.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Theatre Masks and Butts

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Woman crying with happiness.

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Stephen Fry

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

Knickerless Cage.

Waving from Behind the Curtain

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

'I'm a star!'

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."