Stage Comedy Fan Gifts

"This next trick will require a volunteer from the audience..."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Mikado

Scarpia from Tosca

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Am I sensing fear?"

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

The return of the four sheepskins

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

'You're thinking of your wife again, aren't you?'

"Javert" Would Like To Use Your Current Location

The real trick here for Ramon was to somehow just make this look as if it's all part of the show...

Stephen Fry

Magic Act

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

Paul and Debbie.

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Optometrist Humor

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

Woody Allen

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

"Sure, he's not tall, dark or handsome....but he makes me laugh."

"I'm very highly strung!"

Spiderman at the Improv