Staffing Shortage Satirist Pillows

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Yes, can I help you?'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

Forecasters are two a penny. Supply exceeds demand.

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

'Can you dance?'

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

"I feel like I got a lot accomplished today."

"Our plan is to hire the first person we find not under federal investigation."

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

Personnel - "I liked the one that saluted."

Job Centre: Settle for Early Retirement.

Resignations/Applications

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

'The boss came up and said, 'there are too many guys named Kevin around here' and so - I was fired!'

"First time I've ever seen 'humdrum' in a job description."

"I don't know why I never got a second interview. I thought I killed the first one."

...becoming a restaurant critic