Budget Crisis Humorist Pillows

How About Wedgies?

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Repossessions

Budget reaction.

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

Budget Opticians.

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Sales of new homes are plummeting. I suggest we build old homes.'

'The way things are going in the building trade we are never going to be part of a demolition project in our life time.'

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

Toilet Roll Drop

'I'm sorry, Rendleman - But in this economy we just can't justify a company poet.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'