Economic Crisis Comedian Pillows

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

Trickledown economics

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Office of economic forecasting.

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

'We buy and sell them.'

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

Repossessions

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

Government Handouts.

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'