Economic Comedian Pillows

'Wait a minute! This isn't your future... it's Ken Lay's future.'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

Bankers waking up from cryo-sleep to explain the Fed's interest rate hike to you.

'He'd be handsome even without the big bonus, stock options and obscene salary!'

"Don't be fooled into thinking he's a good provider, Muriel. I hear he buys it all on credit."

"Your stocks are at an all-time high. My allowance is at an all-time low. Isn't that income inequality?"

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

Yes, they are all dependants."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Trickledown economics

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

'We buy and sell them.'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.