Comedy Economist Pillows

'The dollar fell against all major currencies this morning, and then, while getting up, bumped its head, REALLY HARD, on some sort of coffee table. I'm afraid that's all we have right now. Stay tuned for further updates.'

Santander Bank pays out cash by mistake on Christmas Day

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Trickledown economics

Office of economic forecasting.

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

Sorry, Rudy, no way can I raise your pay to $15 an hour. Why not? 'Cause that would destroy jobs. What would you do for a job once I moved the caf

'We buy and sell them.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'He's known for his pessimistic prognostications on the stock market.'

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

Government Handouts.

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

World Economic: Crisis/Crash/Collapse

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

First Market Decline

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

Thanks to his stocks, Bob now lives in the middle of a great green garden outside the crowded city.

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.