Squirrel Trainer Gifts

"The hardest part was training the squirrel."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Quick, start the car!"

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

Poor guy fell asleep with his head in the sap.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"I've got you in my sights now, Mister Squirrel, with your fluffy tail and those tiny hands clutching that itty-bitty nut. Aww, you must be hungry...poor little fella... I love you, Mister Squirrel."

"Nuts to you, too."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

Litter Tray Training

'He's not supposed to go out.'

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

Cat Show

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

A mime and his pet parrot talk to one another.

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

"Have you been throwing a lot of poop lately?"

Come on Darling: Surely, you don't need a sledgehammer to crack a nut...