Squirrel Strategist T-Shirts

'You should see the bird feeder I built. It's 100% squirrel proof.'

"My tactic is to feed the squirrels so much they're too fat to climb the bird feeder."

Saving for Retirement.

"You don't have to do the mic drop move every time you chase a squirrel up a tree."

Dog dreaming about how to catapult a squirrel.

Another failed attempt to keep squirrels out of bird feeders: The Great Wall of China.

'I couldn't keep squirrels away from my bird feeders, so I called a lawyer!'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Cat in a tank...

'How about a game of cards?'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Works every time."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Ok...on the count of three, we evolve into piranha.'

Sly Fox

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

'No, you can't write off the cost of your wake-up call service.'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

'Do what I did. Tell your mother you want a pet snake. Then she'll get you a dog.'

'The infrared reading is negative: It's only a scarecrow... Let's go...'

'War is heck!'

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."