Squirrel Strategist Gifts

'You should see the bird feeder I built. It's 100% squirrel proof.'

"My tactic is to feed the squirrels so much they're too fat to climb the bird feeder."

Saving for Retirement.

"You don't have to do the mic drop move every time you chase a squirrel up a tree."

Dog dreaming about how to catapult a squirrel.

Another failed attempt to keep squirrels out of bird feeders: The Great Wall of China.

'I couldn't keep squirrels away from my bird feeders, so I called a lawyer!'

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Cat in a tank...

'How about a game of cards?'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Works every time."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Well %$@#(&!! is not a banned word in the &%Xsing UK!"

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

'Ok...on the count of three, we evolve into piranha.'

Sly Fox

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

'No, you can't write off the cost of your wake-up call service.'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'You won't lose any more money. We're the first fund with a GPS tracking system.'