Spreadsheet Sorcerer Gifts

'And this is where the magic happens.'

"Let's shrink Big Data into Small Data... and hope it magically becomes Great Data."

'I don't condone unethical accounting practices Henderson - On the other hand, I don't frown on a little numeric creativity.'

'You can come in now - the auditors have gone.'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Bureau of Rosy Statistics

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Can you work a little magic with these figures? In fact, can you make them disappear?"

Accountant is intimidated by tax code book.

"At our last company part the new guy turned water into wine. I thought it was just a cheap trick, but now I know that he really is capable of miracles...he even understands pie charts!"

Economic Crisis.

"We're hoping for an upturn in the 5th quarter."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'Every 'creative accountant' needs a muse...'

'Of course I have an explanation for this. When you hot you're hot, when you're not you're not.'

'You're safe through the second quarter, Mr. Dawkins. I've torqued the numbers.'

"Workboy"

"It takes more to be a super accountant that you were a 'super accountant man' costume."

What the numbers are telling us

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

'Once the treasurer has passed out his reports, he will field some questions...'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Company profit making scheme - Jenkins, you owe us £327.95.

It's not forever......

'Now do you think that's done any good?'

'Some people thing accountants are just boring number crunches but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!'

"His numbers stack up but I'd still like a second opinion!"

I've given up trying to find an accountant with special knowledge of tax havens.

You're right, Jenkins, the numbers don't lie. Get me some that do.

He's a financial analyst. He's running the numbers for his latest project. C'mon! You can do better than this! Running the numbers didn't give him the needed results, so he's trying something else. Mmm, creamy. I like this. Sometimes you just have to fudge the numbers.

"I never dreamed my fun data analysis hobby would one day turn into a career."

"It has come to my notice Karve that you've been experimenting with the truth."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'