Spreadsheet Ninjas Gifts

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

Overworked in the office

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

End of Year Figs.

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

Company profit making scheme - Jenkins, you owe us £327.95.

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'First the good news.'

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

"We're hoping for an upturn in the 5th quarter."

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

'Do you have an appointment?'

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

'This is a very bad report, Jenkins. Go to your cubicle.'

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

"I have been inputting garbage into my systems for 12 months, why is this spend analysis GARBAGE?!"

Workaholic's Toilet