Spreadsheet Sprinters Gifts

'You've been to business meetings and business lunches - believe me, you'll get used to business jogs.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

Overworked in the office

"I hate performance review season."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

"What comes after zillion?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

Project Manager Showdown

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'First the good news.'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."