Spreadsheet Junkie Gifts

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."

'Hang on a minute! We forgot to write down that check number in the giant register...'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."