Spreadsheet Struggler Gifts

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"I hate performance review season."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

End of Year Figs.

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

Project Manager Showdown

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'I would like to return this chart. It didn't perform up to our expectations.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

"Hmm.... now I hadn't noticed THAT before..."

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

'Hang on a minute! We forgot to write down that check number in the giant register...'