Spreadsheet Stalwart Gifts

"My only problem with fiscal restraint is the restraint part."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"I hate performance review season."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I love your optimism."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"What comes after zillion?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

End of Year Figs.

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

Project Manager Showdown

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Tax Collector

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

'I would like to return this chart. It didn't perform up to our expectations.'

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'