Spreadsheet Lovers Gifts

Toilets / Bar at accountants conference labelled debits and credits.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

"What comes after zillion?"

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

'Hang on a minute! We forgot to write down that check number in the giant register...'

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

"Hmm.... now I hadn't noticed THAT before..."

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."