Spreadsheet Artist Gifts

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"These are very disturbing figures, so I put smiley faces on all the zeroes."

Business School.

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Overworked in the office

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

"What comes after zillion?"

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'First the good news.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'