Sportswriter Pillows

The New York Sportswriters

Expansion 2000

'That's him in the press box. Third sportswriter from the left. Toss one up there and brush him back from his laptop...'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

No Baseball

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

Football Crazy strip six

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Olympic Climate

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"... and come out fighting, boys."

Game time.

'With your 4-4-2 formation I don't think you'll see the end of this match.'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

The Olympic Booze-a-thon.

On the cover of Sports Illustrated - Envy

Baseball players and their qualifications.