Sportswriter Gifts

The New York Sportswriters

Expansion 2000

Oog! I didn't know you were a sportswriter!

News. World Series Begins. Sports News. Wow! A baseball umpire walked in front of the plate and was accidentally felled by the batter! The fall of the roamin' umpire!

Daily News Headline Dept. An athlete who failed as a baseball pitcher, a tennis player and a ski jumper accidentally ran his car into a tree! No curve, no serve, no nerve, no swerve!

Baseball Hall of Steroid Fame.

'That's him in the press box. Third sportswriter from the left. Toss one up there and brush him back from his laptop...'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

No Baseball

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Novak Djokovic

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

Football Crazy strip six

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Olympic Climate

"And Rooney's stretchered off the pitch after managing to stick his foot in his mouth..."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Game time.

"... and come out fighting, boys."