Sportscaster Pillows

Sportscasters on the Savannah

Sports Radio in Crisis

'Oooh, looks like a broken leg for Randolph - broken legs are brought to you by Altrion Orthopedics Incorporated...'

Sportscaster dines out

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'How do you know he wants to go to college? Maybe he wants to be a sportscaster.'

Suzy Kolber

Knowing my views, I'll just keep my foot where it belongs.

'That's an interesting point. If they're both on the same team, is it a penalty?'

'Hope you don't mind, but Brenda here noticed that if she connected the moles on your chest, it looks just like John Tesh.'

Cliches for sportscasters...new and used

'It's a tough break for Winslow. With 5 fowls on him, he'll have to be careful.'

'He'll never be considered a great athlete until he gets a cool nickname.'

"The ref's produced a yellow card, Ginola shows his Equity card"

"The post-touchdown celebrations are getting out of hand."

"He dribbles to the top of the key, he shoots, he... pulls a hamstring!"

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

'Big turnover at center ice! Mmm...looks delicious.'

"I suspected barstool founder David Portnoy was racist."

I never knew you were a sportscaster. That takes me way back. What do you mean? The year was 1943. I had a hot, torrid, steamy love affair with a young Howard Cosell. I knew he was destined to be a sportscaster. The man had a strange habit of narrating a play-by-play of all our intimate moments. It almost never pays to ask you to elaborate, Sadie. "And there's his chance! Howard goes in for a first kiss!" ... Odd man.

I always suspected the Clippers owner Donald Sterling was a racist. I used to be a sportscaster. I covered the Clippers for a while. Played chess with him after the game once. I opened by moving the black pawn to C5. Oh, no. Don

"It's absolutely marv."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

If nobody had invented graphics

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I think you're ace