Sports Announcer Pillows

'What'd I miss?'

Always introduce the smallest guy first.

"And in this corner...for the time being..."

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

'We're going to take another look at that play in snow motion.'

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

"... And in the blue corner, about to be soundly beaten... "

"...and the undisputed winner is..."

'In other sports, Jimmy Sheinblum once again won the world' strongest man competition after staying married to his wife Zelda for yet another year.'

'Occassional cards'

'Now batting, playing left field with a .250 average and mediocre fielding skills and lots of personal problems and a five year $50 million contract...' ... 'All right already!'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Tim, it'll be interesting to see if Berkowski is 100% after last week's twerking injury."

"I've changed my mind, we'll have three twelve minute rounds!"

'..and in this corner, with a record of 25 wins, 7 draws, 18 losses, and 9 times beaten to a pulp...'

Sports. In basketball, San Antonio shot well and won, Houston was victorious, Utah lost and Detroit didn't play. In other words, the Spurs were sharp, the Rockets were in orbit, the Jazz had no rhythm and the Pistons idled!

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

I think you're ace

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Kenny Dalglish