Sports Talk Show Host Gifts

"Do you think football may have given you permanent injuries you'll have for the rest of your life?"

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Tennis ball girl.

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

American Football.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'