Sports Enthusiast With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

Actors who've never touched a football bowl

I feel like I'm in heaven whenever I come to the ballpark. You like baseball that much? No, the game just seems to go on for eternity.

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

Improvised Dentistry.

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Pole Vault Rules

"Lord Stanley's Cup...and Bailey"

'...and watch out for his 'flipper'!'

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Football heads...

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

Punishment for the kicker.

Team medic spraying deodorant

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"I have 15,000 patients...so my fantasy football team stinks."

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

'...Do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourselves around...'

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

Jack Nicholas - Sun-Visor

'What do we think? We think it's foolish to skip obedience school and go straight to the NBS...'

Dominique Valera - The King/Cat

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

The only drug this league tests positive for is Geritol.

'I said shag carpeting.'

'Oh, dude. Maybe the electronics store has a, throws like a little girl return policy.'

'Oh, great. Leonard's got quarterback on his jersey. No amount of bleach is going to get THAT out.'

'Oh great, who do you think's gonna have to clean that up.'