Sports Award Ceremony Gifts

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Win - win

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Soccer coach of the year.

Employee of the Month

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

Happy Champion

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

Playing football with snowmen in goal.

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Medalist wears five gold medals to form olympic rings.

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Oscars

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

"I want to thank all the little people."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"This goes to our Most Aggressive Defender and, ironicall, first person ever to foul out of an awards banquet..."

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

'We're still crazy then ...'

Base chapel.

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Congratulations on winning Weather Forecaster of the Year, you rotten swine!'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

I don't care if you have a ticket - hop it.