Sports Award Season Gifts

Fantasy Football Awards: 'The trophy to the Monday morning quarterback with the widest end zone...'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

Bowled over again!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Vendor selling testosterone.

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

American Football.

A prehistoric football match.

Soccer coach of the year.

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

Football.

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

Playing football with snowmen in goal.

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

May I have the envelope, please?