Spooky Spirit Gifts

'I have to disappoint you Mrs Robinson, today is not Halloween.'

"Home depot."

'Trick or treater' wears mask which is identical to man's face.

'What do you call a pair of ghostly glasses?...Spectre-calls!'

"One more question, Mr Cake. How do you feel about wearing a sheet, creeping about people's bedrooms and saying 'woo'?"

Will scare for candy.

Vampire

No Guts. No Gory

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

Get on with it!

How was the Halloween party? Who was there? It was fun, except the Zombie didn't talk to anybody. The Grim Reaper was a real killjoy, and the jack-o-lantern made a fool of himself -- by the end of the evening he was smashed. Did the Black Cat or the Ghost attend? I crossed paths with a black cat but I don't know if the Ghost came to the party. All night it felt like he was right there but I never actually saw him!

Classic Emojis for sale.

Punkins

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Yeah, vertical cemeteries are helping urban sustainability. But going by haunted cemetery standards ... kinda lame."

"He turned on, dropped out and never came back, it's 50 years since woodstock and he still thinks that's a mirror."

Monster Horrorscopes

Satan

"I want to make it with you."

'Take some more. You need the calories.'

'Being a migrating bird is great: My life is like an endless summer...'

Rational explanations

The fact he was a neutered housecat never stood in the way of Mr. Whiskers' dream.

"New York is a place of free spirits."

'I waxed the runners.'

'Do you kids know the story of 'The Big Mongoose'?!'

Morgue.

"Don't worry. I'm just here to kill the buzz."

Bad vibes next 3 miles.

"Don't you just love the way these old houses creak?"

Dracula Flipping Frankenstein a Bat

'Take no notice, it's only the poltergeist. He does it for attention.'

"It was a hot, humid night and he was floating around in the dark and didn't hear it!..."

Transylvania Weather Channel. Your Host: Igor. Great vampire weather as the sun sets early! As an added bonus, the moon will be full for all you werewolves... Patches of fog will make it delightful for scaring victims .....