Spooky Soul Gifts

Monster Horrorscopes

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

"Home depot."

Get crazy once in a while

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Fly fishing.

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Classic Emojis for sale.

Beware of balloon dog.

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

"I hope I'm not embarrassing you, Elaine... I guess I've always been a fool for love."

'That one's going to be a klutz.'

How was the Halloween party? Who was there? It was fun, except the Zombie didn't talk to anybody. The Grim Reaper was a real killjoy, and the jack-o-lantern made a fool of himself -- by the end of the evening he was smashed. Did the Black Cat or the Ghost attend? I crossed paths with a black cat but I don't know if the Ghost came to the party. All night it felt like he was right there but I never actually saw him!

In case of funky emergency, break glass

'I've got it made in the shade. What worries me is sunshine.'

"One more question, Mr Cake. How do you feel about wearing a sheet, creeping about people's bedrooms and saying 'woo'?"

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

"Yeah, vertical cemeteries are helping urban sustainability. But going by haunted cemetery standards ... kinda lame."

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

Vampire laying in his coffin wearing a Smiley badge.

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'Isn't this marvelous? True love and we haven't lost our milk teeth yet!'

Like, Real Gone...

Shenanigans at the Leper Colony.

'Sure, I am usually old and wise, but with you my boy, I just love to be silly!'

'I have to disappoint you Mrs Robinson, today is not Halloween.'

Through the Looking Glass-King's Messenger in Prison

"I want to make it with you."

Man and Tree - I need a hug.