Spoiler-free Purist Gifts

"Hold up! No spoilers!"

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"I witnessed something I can never unsee." "What happened, little buddy?" "Some guy walking out of the 'Wolverine' premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show." "A bunch of the fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him." "I don't think I can ever unsee five Pyros and a Colossus beating a Happy Hogan with plastic flamethrowers." "Happy Hogan had it coming."

'And I love the part when he finds out that it was his brother all along!'

"Spoiler alert."

Technology and literature

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

"Respect the park's Natural beauty. No Instagram filters."

The Last Non E-Book In The World.

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"It's people like you who are ruining rock and roll for the rest of us."

Played Wordle Fair and Square

'Yes the business has become bigger, but Fred still likes to work at home.'

"He sold out, so he's sold out"

"He only dances to The Dubliners."

"Drawing with computers is easy..."

"So obvious, there all the time"

"One thing I'll say for us, Meyer--we never stooped to popularizing science."

"So if you don't want to know the World Cup results look away now until July 16th."

Information might travel at the speed of light, but the news still travels at the speed of sound bites.

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

"The people in my new novel have started rejecting print media. That's a bad omen."

"Far out Nigel, I know you're a purist, but at some point, you'll need to switch to e-books like the rest of us..."

Man Covers Up Television in Favour of Books.

"No pre-recorded music in this church. It's all 100% organic!"

Hoping to encourage readers to buy the hard copy of the paper, the Journal Times Herald, only printed every other word in its online edition.

'I'm looking for something not written by a celebrity.'

I witnessed something I can never unsee. What happened, little buddy? Some guy walking out of the "Star Wars" premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show. A bunch of fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him. I don't think I can ever unsee five Ewoks and a slave Leia beating a Wookie senseless with plastic light sabers. The Wookie had it coming.

'The Garrett Club'

SPOILER ALERT! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about "Star Wars." You don't have to say "spoiler alert," minion. It's been a month. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive. In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences. Um ... never mind.

"...I will save you ninnies hudreds of dollars by spoiling every single upcoming superhero movie..."

"Spoiler alert!"

The smokiness of this overpowers my palate --- I'd like some bacon with more subtle flavors. A swine snob.