Spoiler Cynic Gifts

"Guess who expires next..."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Sucking Up to Gen X

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

"Son, remember - its possible most politicians lie - it's the American way."

"Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I think we can fool all the people all the time!"

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

Spoiler Alert

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

Mail & Political lies.

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

Politician's mask

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'