Splinter Specialist Gifts

Woodworkers Club Meeting, Room 23. Splinter Group, Room 24.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Say cheese!

Bowling ball head.

'Pretend you don't notice him.'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

"Well, you taught him to fetch our slippers."

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

Chris felt that, with diligence, he could teach Jack to hit a 1-iron by 11 months.

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

At the golf detox clinic.

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

You're on the "Ask Sadie" show. What's your problem?! I just found out "Empire" and "Star" are in the same universe. For months I've been telling everyone I knew that "Star" was a blatant ripoff of "Empire." But then I found out they're made by the same people and they're in the same tv universe, and I'm like totally fine with it now. Stop it! We speak "English" on this show, not "tv addict"! Wait a minute ... are we talking about soap operas? Because there's an exception for soap operas. No, we

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

Spider harpist.

Rafael Nadal

"Just discovered a new type of bone. Not great on flavour but it lasts for ages."

"Period of compete oscillation of pendulum..."

I've had a fantastic round, I've even got a ball left over!

MUM Look what I swapped your mobile for

"Today we learned about multitasking while I was passing notes, giggling with Bryan, and making spitballs."

"You got him running scared, kid. He thinks he might actually kill you."

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

"Don't worry, I have another savings for your treats."

'Yeah...very nice but I still think you're spoiling him.'

'A shoddy piece of work.'

'I like to think of myself as Tiger Woods' greatest nightmare - although I'd don't know why he'd ever dream about me.'

'Probably a nine iron, or in your case, nine iron, nine iron, nine iron. . .'

Jack Nicklaus.