Splinter Specialist T-Shirts

Woodworkers Club Meeting, Room 23. Splinter Group, Room 24.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

Say cheese!

Bowling ball head.

'Pretend you don't notice him.'

"Well, you taught him to fetch our slippers."

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

At the golf detox clinic.

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

Spider harpist.

"Just discovered a new type of bone. Not great on flavour but it lasts for ages."

"Period of compete oscillation of pendulum..."

I've had a fantastic round, I've even got a ball left over!

MUM Look what I swapped your mobile for

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

"Today we learned about multitasking while I was passing notes, giggling with Bryan, and making spitballs."

'Yeah...very nice but I still think you're spoiling him.'

"Don't worry, I have another savings for your treats."

'A shoddy piece of work.'

'I like to think of myself as Tiger Woods' greatest nightmare - although I'd don't know why he'd ever dream about me.'

'Probably a nine iron, or in your case, nine iron, nine iron, nine iron. . .'

Common golf Problems: 'Worst slice I have ever seen!'