Spiritual Sitters Gifts

Whoa. I just had a near-life experience.

Church for sports worshipers.

Night-time halo

"That's the preacher's dog."

"Show off."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

"How long have we been sitting on balls, Jon?"

Transcendental Litigation

"Won't be a minute Boss, just nippin' to the karzie."

Ice Fishing

Future beauty pageant contestants' Christmas wish.

"Sure, I had a retirement plan. Stop going to work"

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

'I love high-definition TV!'

Action Film Shushing

"It has a nice, divine quality without being overly liturgical."

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

Footballer's Wages

How To Sit When You Are A Kid

Sorry, this game is not available in your area

"Hello there, Mulligan's pillows for better posture, let me leave you a brochure."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'Sorry to disturb you, sir, but coach is wondering if it is OK to put you in the game.'

Latte Day Saints

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

'I told you these were great seats, but there is a downside. If you need to go to the restroom...'

'And in conclusion, I'd like to say - it's been a pleasure talking to you.'

'It's sad. They bought season tickets with one of those risky sub-prime loans. Now they've got to sell fast or lose their seats.'

"Ugh, I'm too hungover for salvation-come back later."

A brand new day finds Fred, as usual, happily sitting on the sidelines of his own life.

"You have been found guilty of smug self-righteous pseudo-spirituality. I sentenced you to a period of six months with your wind chimes strapped to your head."

Tell me what you know about destiny...

"Only St. Bernards are allowed in."