Spiritual Mentor Gifts

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

"So it's a case of he said, she said, it said."

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

Computer literate Monk

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Buddhist photo albums,

Calendars before Jesus.

'It started out as meditation, but now it's quiet desperation!'

God's lil' fix-it shop.

Today's presentation - God's Miracles.

"Too righteous?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."