Spiritual Mentor Gifts

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

"So it's a case of he said, she said, it said."

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

Computer literate Monk

Buddhist photo albums,

Calendars before Jesus.

'It started out as meditation, but now it's quiet desperation!'

God's lil' fix-it shop.

Today's presentation - God's Miracles.

"Too righteous?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

Guru.

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"All the celebrities come here."